Sexual compatibility: myth or reality?

"We just don't fit each other in sex." Is that a familiar phrase? And sometimes people pronounce it after several unsuccessful attempts and already mentally make a dubious diagnosis: it means it's not fate.

But what exactly is sexual compatibility? Is it when both want sex equally often, love the same thing, and simultaneously get turned on by one look? Or is it something much more complicated?

In fact, sexual compatibility is not some kind of magical indicator that either exists or does not exist. Rather, it is a combination of several factors that affect how comfortable and pleasant it is for people to be together in the intimate sphere.

And the first of them is libido. Imagine a couple where one wants to have sex several times a week, and the other wants to have sex once every few weeks. At the same time, both are absolutely normal, it's just that their sexual temperament is different.

And this is where the important point begins: the discrepancy of desire in itself does not mean sexual incompatibility, it becomes a problem when people cannot find a compromise in this. Because the question is usually not who wants it more often, but whether partners can talk about it calmly without pressure, resentment and guilt.

The second factor is what exactly excites us. Emotional intimacy and tenderness are important to one, while play, novelty, and spontaneity are important to the other. Some people need time to tune in, while others may feel the urge almost instantly. And there may be differences in this too. And very strong ones at that

You can experience the most tremulous feelings for a person, feel tenderness for him and at the same time discover that your ways of arousal are completely different, but then the most interesting begins.

Sexual compatibility is also the ability to get to know each other. Do not guess, do not expect that the partner "should understand for himself", do not be offended by the lack of telepathy, but say what you like, what you do not like, what excites, what prevents you from relaxing, what pace is comfortable, what you want to try, and what you definitely do not want.

And here many people have a paradox: they have been living together for years, they know what their partner likes for breakfast, what time he comes home from work and what TV series he watches before going to bed, but they may not know at all what exactly helps him or her want sex, because for some reason sex is still about it's more difficult for many people to talk about mortgages)

There is another important point – emotional compatibility. For some, it is impossible to want sex after a serious quarrel, for others, conflict does not interfere with sexual desire in any way. Someone needs to feel safe and accepted, while someone else's desire, on the contrary, appears precisely through play, flirting and slight tension between partners.

""And if you don't understand this difference, you can easily decide: "he doesn't want me anymore" or "she doesn't need sex at all." Although in fact a person may want to, just not in the conditions that a partner offers.

And now to the main point. Is it possible to create sexual compatibility? In many cases, yes. Because a person's sexuality is not set in stone, it is influenced by experience, relationships, stress levels, well-being, hormones, medications, body condition, emotional intimacy, and many other factors.

Partners can gradually learn to understand each other better, find a comfortable rhythm, discuss desires and create conditions in which desire appears to both

But there are things that can really vary greatly, for example, a principled attitude towards sex, an unwillingness to discuss boundaries, categorically different ideas about what is acceptable, or a chronic discrepancy in the need for intimacy. ""And then the question is no longer "which of us is wrong?", but "can we live with this difference so that no one feels constantly rejected or forced?"

That's why sexual compatibility is not about two people who perfectly match up on the first night. It's more about two people who suit each other well enough and are ready to get to know each other further. Because you can never expect a perfect sexual match, but you can build a good sexual connection.

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