What is postcoital sadness and why does it occur even after great sex?

You just had great sex. Everything was fine: She moaned, you came, you're lying in an embrace. But inside there is not warmth, but emptiness. Or a slight sadness that comes from nowhere. You don't want to talk, you don't want to hug, you want to turn away and close your eyes.

Is it familiar? This is called postcoital sadness. And it occurs not only in women, but also in men. More often than is commonly said.

What is it

Postcoital sadness is a state of emotional decline that occurs immediately after orgasm. Orgasm is a powerful release of endorphins, dopamine, and oxytocin. And it is followed by a sharp drop in these hormones. The brain seems to "fall" from the peak of pleasure back to reality.

And this difference between "high" and "low" can feel like sadness, apathy, irritability, or even guilt. Especially if the sex was short-term, casual, or with a person for whom there are no deep feelings.

Why does this happen in men

The male orgasm is a physical explosion. After it, prolactin levels rise sharply, while dopamine levels fall. Prolactin is responsible for feeling satisfied, but it also reduces the desire to continue. This "chemical slide" can cause a feeling of emptiness.

In addition, men have a social factor. Many of them are used to associating sex with achievement. And when the achievement has been achieved, the question arises: "What next?" And if there is no further emotional intimacy, only emptiness remains.

How it looks in practice

 You're lying next to me, but you want to get up and leave.
 You don't want to talk, but it's hard to keep quiet.
 You feel guilty even though you haven't done anything wrong.
· You start analyzing the meeting: "Did she like it? Was I good?"
· You want to pull away, but you're afraid to offend.

That doesn't mean the sex was bad. This means that your nervous system is overloaded and needs to be restored.

What should I do if this happens?

The first thing is not to panic. It is ok. It's not a sign that you've fallen out of love, that sex was a mistake, or that there's something wrong with you. It's just chemistry.

Second, give yourself time. Don't try to get up and leave right away if you feel sad. It's better to just lie down, breathe, hug a pillow. You don't have to start a conversation right away if you don't want to. After 5-10 minutes, the hormonal background will level out.

Third, if you're with a partner, you can just say, "Give me a minute, I'll step back." It's honest and not offensive. She'll understand.

What to do to prevent sadness from appearing

There are several ways to alleviate post-coital sadness.:

 Breathe after orgasm. Taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly brings the nervous system back into balance.
· Don't get hung up on the result. If you only think about "bring it to the peak", after the peak there is a void. Include feelings, not goals.
· Hug each other. Oxytocin, which is released during hugs, smoothes hormonal decline.
· Drink water. Orgasm dehydrates, and mild dehydration increases fatigue and apathy.
· Speak up. If you're with someone, tell them you're a little sad. It relieves tension.

The main conclusion

Postcoital sadness is not a disease. This is a normal reaction of the body to intense pleasure. It's just your brain talking.: "I'm overloaded, let me rest."

If you know how to accept it, don't be afraid, and give yourself time to recover, the sadness passes quickly, leaving behind only a slight tenderness. And sometimes even a smile.