Anal sex: how to prepare a woman

2026-05-24

Step 1. First, normalize the topic in principle — outside of bed

Do not ask during arousal, or even more so during vaginal sex. Better at dinner, on a walk: a neutral moment.

Bridge phrases:

· "I have read that anal stimulation can give very strong sensations if properly prepared. What do you think about this in general?"
· "I've heard that many women have their clitoris stimulated through their anus because of their anatomy. But I understand that this is a sensitive area. Have you ever been interested in trying it?"

The key: Not "let's do it," but "what do you think?" — you leave her the space to respond without pressure.

 

Step 2. If she says "no" or "I'm afraid" — accept it without offense

Don't convince me. Tell:

· "Thank you for being honest. I won't insist. If you ever want to discuss it or just find out, I'm here."

Pressure kills trust. An interest in anal sex can remain a fantasy, that's fine.

If she says "maybe, but it's scary" — go to step 3.

 

Step 3. Suggest a pain-free path: information + preparation

Explain to her (and to yourself) the physiology:

· The anal canal does not lubricate itself. A lubricant is required (silicone is better, it does not absorb).
· Start not with a penis, but with a finger, a boogie toy, a small anal dildo.
· The safest entry is when she is relaxed, preferably after an orgasm (clitoral) or in a side position.

What exactly to say:

· "I've read everything: to avoid pain, you need to go very slowly, with a lot of lube, and start with one finger. Let's just try stroking the outside first, then a little bit inside - only if you feel good. And stop at any moment."

 

Step 4. Agree on the rule of "safe words" and control

She must know that she can stop at any millisecond.

· "Signal: if you say "stop", "finger" or slap me, I immediately remove everything. Even if I'm already close. No persuasion."

This removes the fear of helplessness.

 

Step 5. Offer to try without penetration — as a "caress"

The first time is not about anal sex per se. Tell:

· "Can I just stroke you outside with a greased finger next time we're in the shower or lying down? Not inside. Just to get you used to the feeling. And if you don't like it, I'll clean it up right away."

If she agrees to this, you're on your way. Many women allow external stimulation of the anus during blowjob or clitoral masturbation — it is safe and pleasant.

Step 6. Preparing for the first penetration — together

When she's ready for the finger, talk about everyday moments to remove the shame.:

· Toilet: "You don't need anything special, just go big in an hour. You can have an enema if you want, but it's not necessary for the finger."
· Lubricant: buy high-quality silicone (Pjur, Uberlube) or hybrid. Let her see that you're serious.
· Pose: Lying on your side (spoon pose) — it relaxes the anus better than on your back or on all fours.
· Technique: first you stroke around, then insert your finger 1 cm, freeze for a minute, then slowly move. She says: go deeper/stop.

Your phrase: "Today it's just a finger. Dick— maybe when you want it, in a couple of weeks, if you want it at all. Without expectations."


Step 7. After the first time (successful or not), discuss

Ask:

· "How did you feel? Was there anything pleasant? What's unpleasant?"
· "Did I push too hard?"

If it hurts, stop immediately. If it's just weird, that's fine. The nerve endings are different there, the brain needs to get used to it.

If she didn't like it: "Thanks for trying. Now I know it's not yours.


The main mistakes that give out an inexperienced petitioner:

· "Come on, all my exes did" (comparison will kill the desire).
· "It doesn't hurt, you're exaggerating" (pain gaslighting).
· Start without lubrication or abruptly.
· Offer anal sex immediately after vaginal sex (without changing a condom — infection).
· Ask your partner for an orgasm ("she'll say yes and then regret it" is manipulation).

 

Short checklist "how to ask correctly":

1. A neutral place and time.
2. Ask for an opinion, don't demand it.
3. Accept "no" without offense.
4. Offer information and training.
5. Start with external stroking, not with a penis.
6. Lubrication, safe word, side position.
7. After — discuss without evaluation.

And remember: giving up anal sex is not giving up on you. She has every right to never want that. And if he agrees, you will get not only new experience, but also trust for years to come.

 

 

 

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